Pretty Lucky

Changes

Well, wow.

I was just re-reading my last few posts and thinking how things can so rapidly change. It’s interesting to re-read what I’ve written, and know how I was thinking then, and compare it to how I’m thinking now. Bizarre.

I had a moment of clarity. May 22nd was a weird day for me. I was all set to get my drink on and party with some friends and have a great time. I blame Jaeger. I did a couple shots of Jaeger and my world came crashing down around my ears.

I realized I missed my husband and my best friend. I realized that I was an Idiot for leaving. I realized that maybe the reasons I left could have been resolved before I moved out. I’m not saying that my reasons weren’t valid, because, they very much were. I’m saying that I feel like I should have handled things a little bit differently. Maybe listened a little more and not got so hung up on what I thought I needed and deserved. I was so focused on what I wasn’t getting that I didn’t see that I wasn’t giving anything either. When both people in a marriage are off in La-La Land, it’s sometimes easy to take that Divorce road. I think it’s easier, sometimes, to get divorced then it is to admit you were wrong and then put some effort into things. I don’t think that it’s this way for everyone, but I think it was my crooked way of thinking for awhile. I do know that I was convinced that moving out was the very best thing for me. However, if I had maybe stopped thinking of things in terms of “me” or “I”, and started thinking “we” and “our family” things may have gone down a different road. Both of us have a lot to work on, and I’m looking forward to our challenges, rather than fearing them.

Hindsight really is 20/20. I suppose it’s a popular saying for a reason!

Anyway, I called Jamie that night and let him know I was missing him. Unfortunately, it was very late when I had this sudden attack of clarity, so he ignored me and turned him phone off. Lucky for me, he’s a forgiving kind of guy, and he called me in the morning when he woke up. Thus begins the long process of healing our relationship and ourselves together. It’s been a little bumpy already, even last night it was a little strained, but I feel like this ordeal is something that is going to make us stronger. Only time will tell. :) I just know that I feel more myself in the last 3 weeks then I have in the last 6 months. Maybe all I really did need was a little break?

THE MOST RETARDED MAN IN THE WORLD (according to me)

My poor baby Carley. She was supposed to be spending the majority of her summer with her dad this year. They suggested it and Carley said she wanted to go so I (foolishly) let it happen. This arrangement lasted a Grand Total of 5 days. I dropped her off with them the Wednesday before Memorial Day and her dad called me Tuesday morning saying there was a problem.
They have a teeny tiny dog there. Well apparently the dog stepped on a carpet tack and yelped. Well the EVIL STEP MOTHER accused Carley of messing with the dog and yelled at her to get away from the dog. Carley's Dad stuck up for Carley and told EVIL STEP MOTHER that Carley was nowhere near the dog and that Carley didn’t do anything. According to her Dad a fight between him and ESM ensues and then she turns around and looks Carley in the face and tells Carley “Get the fuck out of my house, right now!!!!”

So I’m obviously pissed and her Dad is asking if he can bring Carley to me because she’s not allowed to be there and it’s just a huge mess. So Carley has been coming to work with me because the boys and girls club is wait listed. Poor kid.

I bought her some crafty stuff to do and I thought I would share it with you. I thought it all came out great!

Mr. Caterpillar

Mr. Dragonfly. (My favorite)

Princess

Angel Kitty

Horse Lady

Mr. Bumblebee

Mrs. Lady Bug (notice that all the other bugs are Mr.'s, LOL)

And this is Carley eating a donut! LOL

Last night we went to Tilly's and had a little Fashion Show:

This is Cowboy Jamie:

This is Skater Carley:

Pageboy Carley:

Gangsta Jamie:

Pageboy Jamie:

Bruce Willis Jamie:

He actually bought the sunglasses he's wearing. I never thought I'd see the day when Jamie bought a pair of sunglasses, let alone Aviators! I kinda like them on him though. :)

Well, Ta Ta for now!

An End

Jamie and I have talked and decided that we are going to go our separate ways. We were together for 7 years and had some really amazing times together. Most of my memories are without him though, because he was gone so often. I think that this, among other things, led to my choice to leave. I had a good marriage and I can think back on it with good feelings. I think that many people were surprised to hear of the split in the first place because we were such good friends.

It's just that it turned into only friendship for me.

I feel a little out of sorts with the way that I left. It was a change that had been happening for me for a long time, but I didn't notice it until it was way too late. The opposite side of that is that Jamie was pretty clueless. He knew that there were problems and he thought we were working on them, and I did too, until I realized that it was really just a lost cause for me.

Then there was all of the dram involved for Jamie. He had people talking in his ear about every possible reason I may have had to have done something so shocking and so drastic. People were saying that I had to have someone else, that I was just a heartless bitch, so many different things. I'm sorry that I think I have a right to be happy. Why would it take someone else to make me decide that I deserve that? I guess I should take into consideration that they have no idea who I am and were really just talking out of their asses, but I think it contributed negatively to Jamie's attitude about his whole situation.

But, it's coming to an end. The phrase "The end of an Era" keeps coming to mind for me.
I never in a million years would have thought that I would be here, in this particular position. If you had told me 6 months ago that I'd be in the middle of a divorce I would have thought you were crazy. It's amazing the things you don't see coming.

Now to the real stuff

So this weekend was pretty fun! Lindy and I went to the bar on Friday and that wasn't all we thought it was going to be. It was actually sort of lame. Lindy and I have decided that we are in a different place then we were when we went to the bar every weekend. We used to go so that we could catch up and vent and generally get away from life at home. There isn't a need for that now, and I think we are over going to the bar. Saturday we had a party for Lindy's birthday! That was awesome fun! I really enjoy hanging out at the house with people over and just talking and laughing. It was awesome!

This coming weekend my Brother Brandon in coming into town. I have to pick him up at the airport of Saturday. He's bringing his boyfriend! Haven't met the boyfriend yet, and I am looking forward to it. Should be a pretty good kick back weekend.

I'll update on Monday, hopefully.

Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LINDY ON SATURDAY!!!!

Who are your real "friends"?

So! It was been brought to my attention that my ranting is being used by people (or a person) as a reporting tool. Yup! You guessed right! Someone read my blog and reported to Jamie what I wrote. Now, I'm not so naive to think that Jamie couldn't have read my blog all on his own, but I do KNOW him well enough to know that he was never really interested in reading my blog AND probably forgot it even existed until this person, let's call him/her Bill, decided to remind him. I do not know who this person is, because Jamie wouldn't tell me.
So, Bill, I just want to say thank you for pretending to be my friend! Also, thank you for trying to create drama where there needn't be.

That's really all I wanted to say.

Thanks FRIEND.

WOOT!

Tonight is my first night out since "it happened". I am so very much looking forward to it. This week and last week has been nothing but drama for my friend and I. I think we have really reached our limit for drama between the two of us. It's so funny how you can go such a very long time without it, but when it rains it fucking POURS!

So, I just wanted to say: YES I AM GOING TO GO OUT AND HAVE FUN AND MEET GUYS AND FLIRT AND GET SHIT FACED!!!!!

Saturday is my BFF's birthday party, so that will be great also! TWO WHOLE NIGHTS OF ADULT ACTIVITY! YES!

Have a great and drama free weekend!

Stupid Boys!!!

So a lot has happened since I wrote last. I'll cliff notes it for you.

Started having problems with my husband.
Decided I was not in love with him anymore.
Moved in with my best friend.
Dealing with drama.

So now that that is all out of the way, we can get down to the oddness of beginning to date.

My husband and I are not officially divorced, but that's where I am heading. He's being dragged reluctantly along that road and keeps digging in his heels.

Since I am so set on the big "D" I have been talking to a few people. Talking to these people rapidly reminded me of everything I liked about being married. No games, no restrictions, no uncertainty.
That being said, it's still might be sort of nice to meet a new person and discover how they kiss and how they feel about certain things, and what it takes to make them laugh and whatnot. If you get the chance, that is.
The bad part of it is that you have all of the getting to know you uncertainty. All the stupid questions girls (guys?) ask themselves: Should I text him? He's not really texting me, I wonder what that means? What is his deal? Is he seriously seeing someone? It's annoying.
Then there are the little let downs and DRAMA! I hate drama. I know that drama is a necessary part of life, and dating, but it doesn't make me like it any more then I have to!


So on to other things....

Things have been great living with my best friend! There has been some adjustment, but so far we have manged not to annoy the crap out of each other! Yea for us! Wii playing, drinking, laughing, having someone to instantly talk to! Total awesomeness!
The kids are having a little harder time adjusting, but kids often do. They like being together and having a built in playmate, but the struggle for power is all consuming! 2 girls a yr apart that are used to being the top dog in the house. DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!! DANGER!
Poor little Lando is just stuck being the man of the house at 4 yrs. old. A responsibility he does not take lightly! :)

I brought my cat over last night and she was ON ME ALL NIGHT! I had no idea that she would miss me so much, but it seems she did. She's getting adjusted, and has had the house to herself to get acquainted, so hopefully she'll be good to go outside tonight. She's got to pee sometime!

So, that's really it for now. I'm sure I will be updating the sight with my dating antics and divorce drama soon!

See ya!

Big Mac's are tall for their age!

I'M BACK!



UPDATES:



I feel like it's been years since my last post!



Where to begin?



Here I suppose:



Christmas was good. Carley got way more then she can ever play with, and there are still unopened toys in her closet. She got the MP3 Player that she was hoping for. Good ol' Saint Nick came through with that one! Jamie got some dude stuff that included a couple of Wii games. I have to recommend Resident Evil for the Wii. It's 2 player! We only played once, but it was really fun. Maybe I will challenge Jamie to a game tonight....
I GOT MY CAMERA! I was so totally stoked! I would have killed Jamie if he hadn't gotten it for me! As it is, he came through. That is the first time I have ever gotten what I actually asked for, for Christmas! It was awesome! I got a few other things, but the camera was the best. I have used it so many times since I got it and it's only January. All the pics are on my myspace page, but I'm sure I will post some on here sometime.

New Years was great! We had a little "get together" that actually turned out to be a full blown party! It was so much fun! Lots of booze, lots of dancin, lots of fire, and lots of fun! The kissing at midnight was rad as well. I went around the party and kissed almost everyone! I'm such a dirty little whore! LOL... Relax..... it was just little kisses. *muah!*



A good friend, Jay, came in for Christmas to visit his family, and he got to hang out with us pretty much the whole time he was home. We took him out on the 7th for a farewell drunk night, and ended up having a BLAST! I even got him to dance with me! He danced me out after that though. Might have had something to do with the amount of booze consumed, but I'm just guessing there. :) They have a Sexy Lifeguard contest at the bar we go to and Jamie got Jay to enter in that. It was SO funny!!! I was really hoping he would win, but alas, a big buff guy stole the show. Said big buff guy then proceeded to pick me up and turn me upside down on the dance floor. Fun. Let me tell ya. I hope that he had as much fun as we did. I feel like we at least sent him home with some unforgettable memories. :)



So, that brings us to present day. I know I didn't get all of the break in there, but I'm sure you don't want every little detail either. If you do, too bad for you.



THE CARDINALS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!! 1st time in the Cards history! I am so excited for the game Sunday! It's going to be great. Even more great when we win!



RANDOM



Why does McDonald's feel the need to tell me how GREAT their food is on their packaging? I have been eating there for most of my life. I know what McDonald's tastes like. I know it's NOT great. It's fast fucking food. I don't need words to fancy up my lunch. Just give me the damn burger and be done with it!



I was thinking about buses the other day. I don't think that I've ever seen a bus turn left. They are always in the right lane so that they can pick people up. I've seem them turn right. I have not seen a bus turn left. Do you think they design the routes so that they don't have to turn left, or is it just that I have not been lucky enough to catch a bus turning left? Just a small something to ponder. I could probably look it up on Wikipedia, but I don't care that much. It's just something I was thinking about. (Spell check does not know the word Wikipedia, lol)



THIS WEEKEND



Cool stuff happening this weekend! No idea what we are doing tonight. Probably nothing. Saturday we have a surprise party for our friend Wayne. After that the girls and I are going to hit the bar. Sunday is the BIG GAME as I mentioned earlier. Even better? My boss is letting me come in at noon! KICK ASS! It's going to be pretty cool. I may have some great pics to post here next week. I know you can't wait! LOL!



Catch you on Monday at noon (or later)!