April 10, 2009

An End

Jamie and I have talked and decided that we are going to go our separate ways. We were together for 7 years and had some really amazing times together. Most of my memories are without him though, because he was gone so often. I think that this, among other things, led to my choice to leave. I had a good marriage and I can think back on it with good feelings. I think that many people were surprised to hear of the split in the first place because we were such good friends.

It's just that it turned into only friendship for me.

I feel a little out of sorts with the way that I left. It was a change that had been happening for me for a long time, but I didn't notice it until it was way too late. The opposite side of that is that Jamie was pretty clueless. He knew that there were problems and he thought we were working on them, and I did too, until I realized that it was really just a lost cause for me.

Then there was all of the dram involved for Jamie. He had people talking in his ear about every possible reason I may have had to have done something so shocking and so drastic. People were saying that I had to have someone else, that I was just a heartless bitch, so many different things. I'm sorry that I think I have a right to be happy. Why would it take someone else to make me decide that I deserve that? I guess I should take into consideration that they have no idea who I am and were really just talking out of their asses, but I think it contributed negatively to Jamie's attitude about his whole situation.

But, it's coming to an end. The phrase "The end of an Era" keeps coming to mind for me.
I never in a million years would have thought that I would be here, in this particular position. If you had told me 6 months ago that I'd be in the middle of a divorce I would have thought you were crazy. It's amazing the things you don't see coming.